In these harsh economic times, every little coin matters. Not only that, but you have no way of knowing what those multinationals are putting in their shampoo, what with ingredients such as Sodium Dodecus Sulfatus ( a carcinogenic chemical shown in laboratory trials to induce Jim Carrey impressions in rabbits, ) squirrel gizzards and even traces of half eaten donuts being commonly found in popular brands.
In order to help my readers avoid these perils, here is my recipe for those wishing to make their own shampoo on the cheap by using ingredients that can be found in any home.
In a mixing bowl, combine these ingredients
A pound of water
3 firkins of soap flakes
A pint of raw eggs (make sure all pieces of shell are removed)
A dash of that stuff that turns toilet water blue, for color
A quarter of a cup of cinnamon for a pleasing scent
Five ounces of fish oil capsules
P.S
Don’t add canned sardines as the bones are likely to get tangled in your hair.
Combine these using a rotary beater for exactly one and a half minutes. Then use a second rotary beater and mix for another 3 minutes. Then discard the mixture and start over again, replacing the cinnamon with apple sauce. After this second mixing, place the resulting mix in the fridge overnight, being careful to add a sign reading “Hair product – do not eat.”
The next morning the mixture should be ready for use. Massage generously into scalp, then remove mixture using your favorite brand of store bought shampoo. Repeat if necessary.
To make a bulk version, simply use a bathtub rather than the mixing bowl, and multiply all quantities by 786 (assuming you have a standard sized bathtub, ) first making sure that the bathtub isn’t already in use.
Come back next week when I will show you how to make your own conditioner using olive oil and old rubber tires.
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