“Strewth, can’t a bloke get some bloody service in this place?!?!”

Australians like to pretend that their country isn’t crawling with cute marsupial bastards, but don’t you believe them. In Australia you can’t even go for a walk down the street without bumping into a wombat or to the local 7-11without meeting a wallaby, and this news story proves it. Why else would there be a kangaroo standing in the middle of a drug store? And this isn’t even out in the sticks, or whatever Australians call the middle of nowhere, this is in a large city called Melbourne — though for all I know, a city in Australia may simply be a small town with a population of about 300 and a small but impressive museum about outhouses.

The kangaroo had apparently been slightly injured and decided to hop into the drug store for some band-aids and ointment. For its trouble the furry invalid was mugged and abducted by some wildlife rescue people who decided to call the errant marsupial Cyrus, Cyrus being the most popular male name in Australia due to the country having been discovered back in 1732 by a lost Irish fisherman called Cyrus McGillicuddy.


Reports so far indicate that the kangaroo has no serious injuries, though he is feeling bewildered by all the attention and is eager to go back home to his flock…