Glenn Danzig Mistaken For Garden Gnome

mr danzig in his less gnomish days

Mr. Danzig in his less gnomish days

It has been revealed today that punk and heavy metal icon Glenn Danzig was last week mistaken for a garden gnome while standing out on the curb in front of his home in New Jersey.

Mr. Danzig, who is best known for his 1993 hit “Mamma,” ( an ode to his mother, who had recently died from eating too much gorgonzola cheese in one sitting ) had last Friday morning been standing too close to a pile of goods put out by his neighbor for pickup by Goodwill when he was unceremoniously hoisted by his head and thrown into the back of the Goodwill truck. It is understood that Mr. Danzig was then taken to a Goodwill thrift store where he was appraised, priced and reportedly sold for $2.75 to a little old lady who took him home and placed him in front of her geraniums. Waiting until the old woman turned her back, Mr. Danzig whacked his captor on the back of the head with a nearby wheelbarrow, then fled the yard and made his way back home after hitching a ride on top of a golden retriever.

Asked about the embarrassing mistake, the charity’s pickup man explained that not only did Mr. Danzig strongly resemble a gnome but that he was standing in a pile of fertilizer at the time and that this, combined with Mr. Danzig’s little red cap, made the mistake an inevitable one.

When asked by a local reporter how he felt about the situation, Mr. Danzig said of the bizarre series of events, “I’m gonna sue everyone involved. That means Goodwill! That means the jerk in the truck! That means the old woman! That means those bastards from the Misfits! That means you, motherf**ker!”