“Give me the dough or I’ll clear your toilets!”

New York doofus Lawrence Deptola (that’s him in the photo, trying to look dangerous) decided to pull off a couple of bank heists, but unlike everyone else in the US he didn’t own a gun, so he used a toilet plunger instead.

That’s right, Loony Larry walked into three separate banks screaming obscenities and threatening to whack tellers with the plumbing implement if they didn’t comply with his requests for money. Not surprisingly, the would-be Clyde got away empty handed, presumably because it’s rather difficult for a bank teller to fill a bag with banknotes while laughing their heads off.

After his last farcical attempt at pulling off the big one, Deptola was spotted by some cops as they were rummaging through the garbage cans in front of the local Dunkin’ Donuts. Spotting the flatfoots, Deptola tried to take off by flapping his arms and making a loud “Caw! Caw!” sound. When this failed he resorted to running away on foot, and was briefly chased around a Bank of America ATM before being  captured and charged with attempted robbery, making an ass of himself, and doing a very lame bird impression.

What amazes me is that not only did he choose the world’s lamest weapon, but that he didn’t even have the good sense to tape it to his nose and go into the bank shouting in a shrill electronic voice “Give me all your money or I will exterminate you!”

More toilet humor here

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